


The Pain In Your Truth

by RoseAmaranth



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Inspired by Music, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24504907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseAmaranth/pseuds/RoseAmaranth
Summary: No one ever said a glass of wine and a stroll down memory lane was a good idea.
Relationships: The Miz/Dolph Ziggler
Kudos: 4





	1. Bitter

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song _"Bitter (with Kito)"_ by FLETCHER

Scrolling through Instagram late at night was never a good idea, and when you've had a few glasses of wine, well, nothing great ever came from that. Mike poured a little more into his glass, even though he's only taken a few sips, and scanned his eyes over another smiling face. And maybe he shouldn't be doing this right now, when he's tipsy and aching deep in his chest, but he wasn't known for doing what he should. John, his best friend, could attest to that. Especially after everything that happened in the past year. 

When you break up with someone, they tell you to delete everything. Block them on every platform. Get rid of any trace of them around you. And he did most of that. He moved in with his mom, who lived hours away from the home he shared with his ex. Thinking 'ex' had him taking another long drink of wine, because he still couldn't believe that happened. That he was single after a long five years.

He deleted most of their pictures from his phone and archived them on Instagram. Funny to him was that his ex probably didn't have to do that since there were hardly ever pictures of _them_ together posted on his Instagram. He was too weak to delete them completely, but he refused to go through them when he was drunk (anymore) because all it did was hurt. As for the ones still on his phone, well, he promised himself daily that he would definitely delete them today. Every morning started with a mantra of _'You did the right thing'_ and _'We're moving on a little more today'_ but if he was honest with himself (and he usually was around this time at night) he wasn't doing much better than he was when it happened.

At least the crying stopped.

Blocking him on social media...that one he couldn't stick with. He did when everything fell apart, but only at John's insistence. And since he was currently looking through his profile on Instagram, scowling at shirtless pictures and selfie after stupid selfie, that didn't last very long. Something inside him still felt wrong that they weren't together anymore– that he wasn't going to walk through the door and see that smile in real life and directed at him instead of countless strangers online. If his friends knew what he was doing every Saturday night, they would steal his phone and delete his accounts. Force him to stop wallowing in the past because it wasn't healthy to hold onto something that wasn't there anymore.

But he couldn't help himself. Healing a broken heart wasn't easy, and he'd been in deep. So he was stalking through his Instagram and sipping wine at the kitchen table at...geeze, was it really three in the morning already? He was finally getting to the posts from when they were together and the fact he couldn't tell the difference without seeing the date they were posted burned him more than he liked. 

On the bright side, whoever he was with at the moment was getting the same social media treatment. He hasn't seen a post about someone new since they broke up, even though he knew there was definitely a someone. Really, it was a blessing of sorts now because he couldn't take seeing them together. It would be too much.

He still couldn't believe how much things changed in a year. Going from seeing someone every day, believing everything was going perfectly, to hating their existence was the kind of emotional whiplash that left you nauseous. But he wasn't the only one going through changes. Judging by the backgrounds in recent pictures and videos his ex took up the offer to move out to Arizona soon after they broke up. Not really a surprise to him, but it still didn't feel good. Knowing the home they got together – filled with memories he wouldn't be forgetting for a long time – was going to be sold to someone else made the whole break-up that much more real for him. Throwing in his face that his ex was done with them and whatever they had. 

There were a few hollow consolations that his tipsy brain loved to conjure up to make the hurt lessen. Like how when his ex was with whoever in his new little world across the country, he probably thought of how things happened between them. Of how much better Mike was in bed than the person he ended up with now. That just maybe, when they kissed and touched, his memories would remind him of what he left behind. That he would think of him and them when he was with this new person. 

But shortly after that would come the hurtful realizations. Like how his ex was probably the doting boyfriend he was when they were together. How charming he could be without even trying. Which meant the new person in his life was happier than ever with the man he loved first. And they probably had these amazing dates together where he cooked a meal but it got cold or burned because they got caught up in passionate sex. This new person probably got the most thoughtful gifts without it even being an anniversary or birthday- just because he was thinking of them. He hated picturing all the things they were getting that he lost. 

Because that is what happened. As much as his friends tried to convince him that he won and that whoever was with his ex now losing, he couldn't believe that. Not at his weakest moments. No. He lost and it wasn't even anything he could control. 

Tapping the home button and finishing his glass, he stood from the table and stumbled his way to his bedroom. Images burned into his brain ready to make an appearance in his dreams when he finally fell asleep. The bed was too cold – too empty – when he fell into it, clutching the blankets and letting the waves of sorrow and longing pull him out to sea.

  


One Year Prior

Coming home to an empty house these days was becoming commonplace. Dropping his keys in the basket by the door, he kicked the door shut behind him and made his way to the kitchen. It was clean, not a sign of life to be found, so he passed through and pushed open the bedroom door. Normally he didn't mind a clean house, but right now it made him feel like he was creeping through a museum. Like no one lived there at all. There weren't clothes abandoned on the floor, the bed was perfectly made from when he put it together before he left for work, and he couldn't hear the shower running. Soft singing drifting out while he read in the bed or changed into his sweats. Loosening his tie, he sat on the edge of the bed, a weight heavy on his shoulders. 

It was stupid to be like this. It wasn't Dolph's fault he needed to go on business trips (even if his friends tried to convince him no company had this many in one year) and he knew he was being needy, but was it so bad to miss someone you loved? To want them around more? He played with the leather strap of his watch, one that was outdated but his favorite because it was a gift on their third anniversary, staring off at nothing as silence rang out through the house. 

Maybe he should get a dog or something.

Dinner was pizza he ordered, and because it was utterly depressing to eat pizza at the table by yourself, he invited John and Ryan over to hangout. While they were screaming over a game of Mario Kart, he slipped off to the backyard, dialing Dolph's number and nibbling on his pizza. He's been itching to do this all day, but he didn't want to appear clingy. It rang four times before it finally picked up, all the tension in his back and shoulders disappearing all at once. 

_”Hey.”_ It occurred to him there was a time difference between Arizona and Ohio, so he chewed his bottom lip and cleared his throat.

“Hey. Um, sorry. I hope it's not a bad time. I forgot about the time zones.” That laugh, soft and amused, felt like a cool rain shower after a long hot day in the sun. Refreshing in the most wonderful way. He smiled for the first time in days, the ache in his chest easing at hearing Dolph's voice after what felt like years. Tears pricked in his eyes, making him feel silly, but he tightened his fingers around the phone, holding it closer to him and wishing his boyfriend was there. That he could touch him and hold him, rather than the cell phone in his hand.

But he wasn't one of those people who wanted their partner to feel like they needed to choose between their work and their relationship. They had five wonderful years together so far, most of which were spent in the same state and house. This was just a phase they were getting through. Their relationship was strong. They trusted each other. 

_”It's never a bad time to talk to you. What's going on back home?”_ Warmth radiated from his soul as he went over the past couple weeks, both of them laughing when he recalled the printer mishap at work last Tuesday. Dolph then countered with a story of how he accidentally ruined the microwave in the breakroom by heating up something with foil on it. The distance between them seemed to disappear, his strength restored and he felt a little less alone again. 

“I miss you. Please tell me something not horrible happened to your boss and you're coming back early.” His teasing remark was met with silence, heavy and suddenly he wasn't laughing. Tension curling through his muscles and all the doubts whispering in his ear. He shoved it away, knowing it was just his friends' words, not his own fears. Dolph sighed, sounding exhausted.

_”I'll be home as quickly as I can. Okay?”_ No partner liked to hear that, not when they were alone and wanted nothing more than to be with the one they loved, but he swallowed down his disappointment and forced himself to smile. Because he wasn't going to be _that_ guy.

“Yeah, okay. I better get back inside before Ryan and John break the television. Love you.” Icy stars stared down at him, the moon missing from the sky tonight. When he went back inside, he didn't feel much better than he did when he went out, but he tried his best to hide it from his friends. Except, of course, they noticed. 

“You didn't call him, did you?” Most of his friends shared their unease about their relationship's current state with thin jokes and laughter. John, however, was openly displeased and suspicious. He felt Mike cared more about the relationship than Dolph did, and he was growing weary of the constant leaving. How just as one business trip was coming to an end, and Dolph was home again, there seemed to be another on the horizon. 

His tone left him feeling defensive, though.

“And what if I did? He's my boyfriend, you know.” Ryan's thumb fiddled with the buttons on the remote in his hand, clearly uncomfortable, but John made a harsh sound and turned back to the game. “What? Say it.”

“You know how I feel about it, Mike. I don't need to say it anymore. Besides, you won't ever listen to me. He's got you all twisted up.” It would hurt less to be slapped. John's been his best friend since they were in elementary school, and while they've had disagreements and fights, it's never been like this. Hostile. A rift forming between them that grew every time Dolph left. 

“Nice to know my best friend thinks I'm an idiot who can't think for myself.” John paused the game again, turning to meet his eyes.

“No. I don't think that. It's just that you can't ever see when he's in the wrong. You're so wrapped around his finger, you won't listen to those around you who are worried about you.” Maybe if there was actually something wrong he would consider their words. But things were fine. Not great, but this was a transitional time. Once it was over, things would return to how they were before. Maybe they would even get married. 

Then John would see. 

“When there's something to worry about, then I'll listen.” Ryan shook his head.

“Do you honestly think this is normal? He's gone every four months.” John snapped his fingers.

“I think this time it was only two.”

“Exactly. Don't you think there's something weird about that?” He's never felt ganged up on in all his years of friendship with them. John wasn't ever afraid of speaking his mind, but Ryan normally kept whatever he thought to himself. 

“You don't understand what he does. How important he is to his company.” Apparently inviting them over was a bad idea. Rather than making him feel better, they were on the same crap they've been on for a while. Making him feel like he was an idiot for trusting the man he loved. 

“Mike, we just care about you.” He narrowed his eyes.

“No, you just want to be right.” John got to his feet, stepping into his space until their noses touched. He was normally a reserved light-hearted man, but at the moment he was threatening and angry.

“You think we _want_ your relationship to fail? That we want to see you get your heartbroken just so we can gloat about how right we are?” He jerked back, shaking his head. “I hope everything works out like you think, because we want you to be happy.” 

When they left shortly after that, he dropped into his chair at the table. Hands in his hair and a confusing mix of emotions to sort through.

The phone ringing from the table nearly scared him into dropping the glass into the sink. Chuckling at himself, he dried his hands and hurried over to the phone to answer it before it could stop ringing. Dolph's been home for a few weeks now, the two of them catching up and erasing all the concerns his friends have about their relationship, and it still made him feel warm to have traces of him around the house again. The phone ringing just another reminder that his man was home again. 

Without looking at the caller ID, he answered the phone and they answered at the same time. His eyebrows furrowed and her voice cleared. Who answered the phone like...that? Maybe he didn't hear her correctly, but it was hard to miss a sultry greeting like that. Narrowing his eyes, he glanced at the contact name. And now he was confused, because it said _'The Office'._

Who the hell from work was calling his boyfriend speaking like that?

“Can I ask who's calling?” Dead silence, though she didn't hang up.

_”Um, who is this?”_ Irritation prickled under his skin, but he forced it down. Snapping at someone from Dolph's job wouldn't be a good idea.

“Mike. Again, who are you? Do you call all your co-workers in the evening sounding like that?” Another long pause, his patience wearing thin. After this he was reporting her for being inappropriate. Because what the hell. 

“Oh. Okay. Um, can you tell Dolph I called?” He noticed she didn't answer his question, and that had him swallowing thickly and agreeing with a short _'okay'_ before hanging up abruptly. All the whispers grew louder, the concern from his friends finally finding solid ground to stand on. Because that was a really weird call, and he's seen enough movies to be wary of weird things. 

“Babe, this new body wash you got? It's amazing!” The phone dropped to the table with a sharp clack, Dolph's grin dropping when he looked between Mike and the phone. He didn't like the hesitance in his face, the way his fingers played with the towel around his waist, but he wasn't going to jump to conclusions. That wasn't how a relationship should work.

“Um, work called.” Dolph tilted his head, glancing at the phone again.

“Really? I wonder why.” Bitterness welled up in his throat.

“Another business trip, maybe?” You could hear a pin drop, tension clouding in the room as they watched each other. Dolph's eyes narrowed slowly, like he was considering his words carefully.

“What does that mean, exactly?” He leaned against the table and crossed his arms.

“Just that it seems you're in Arizona more than you're here. So, I assume they're calling you for another one of those business trips you just can't seem to get out of.” Everything he felt was wrapped in those words. The loneliness and the frustration. The way he wanted to tell his friends – to _show_ them – how wrong they were, but couldn't because Dolph wasn't _there._

“My work is important. You know that. And I'm a big deal there.” Tension crackled between them, like a storm cloud, and Mike laughed. Dry. Brittle. Not a trace of humor as he dropped his head.

“Yeah. I _know._ I've only been saying that to everyone every single time you're gone.” He sighed, his arms falling to his side. “I'm not mad at you. I love that you are passionate about your job, but it's hard. Being apart for so long. And hearing everyone whispering, knowing they have all these ideas about you and us and keep giving me these pitying looks. The missing you. None of it is fair.”

“Hey-” Dolph came towards him, but he pushed away from the table and moved to stare out the window.

“I don't want to be that person who forces their partner to choose between their job and them. I never want to put someone I care about in that position. But I also don't like coming in second when I always put you first. And I keep telling myself it's just temporary – that in a year it won't be like this anymore – but it doesn't really make me feel better when I'm going to sleep alone and waking up alone.” It felt good getting it off his chest. He knew nothing would change, because what Dolph said about his job was true, but it was nice to communicate his feelings. To let him know what he was feeling so they could talk about it. Mend the little cracks and make the relationship stronger than ever.

After a moment, he felt hands hesitantly settle on his waist. Like he wasn't sure if being touched was okay with Mike at the moment. But he really wasn't mad; well, except at that weird lady. And there was nothing that made him happier than knowing he was there. Being able to feel his presence and soak it in before it vanished again. Maybe that wasn't the healthiest relationship, but it worked. They've known each other since college, started dating towards the end of it and stayed strong through five long years. They could get through this too.

He leaned into the warmth, pulling the embrace tighter around him and sighing. 

“I just wanted to tell you how I'm feeling. Do that communicating thing people say is really important in relationships.” Dolph chuckled behind him, pressing his mouth into his hair. 

“I hear you. And I'm going to do my best to be here more for you. It shouldn't last much longer. We just...we just need to get through this.” It was a lot of pretty promising, something he spent a lot of days before doing, but Mike refused to let himself doubt those promises. He wasn't going to listen to the voices trying to tell him something was wrong when Dolph was there. Holding him and telling him none of it was true. That they were as strong as they always were, and that better times were indeed coming.

They just needed to hold on a little longer.

He walked through the door to packed bags on the floor and shuffling in the kitchen. Heart dropping, he gently closed the door behind him, trying to control his emotions. Because it wouldn't do either of them any good to get upset and close up. To push him away just because it would hurt less when he was gone again. The past four months were amazing and he was not going to turn into a crazy person because Dolph was heading out again. 

It was his job, and he was going to be a supportive partner no matter what. It's what Dolph would do for him.

“Hey.” Dolph glanced up from the sandwich he was currently making, peanut butter smeared across his cheek. Chuckling, he walked over and wiped it off. Licking his finger with a cheeky wink. 

“Hey, babe. How was work today? Wait. Let me guess. Absolute shit.” Normally it was, his eyes blurring numbers together after hours of going over spreadsheets. Stressing over clients and trying to juggle meetings and time at his computer to get paperwork done before his boss jumped on him again. But knowing he would get to go home to someone always made that better. So he kissed Dolph's cheek and went over to the sink to wash his hands.

“About as exciting as scrolling through pages of data can be. But getting to come home to you always gets me through the day. Gives me something to look forward to.” He dried his hands, scanning the floor. “I'm thinking of getting a dog. So when you're gone I still have someone here to greet me.” 

“Yeah? That sounds great. I always wanted a dog, but we're just so busy I didn't think it made sense to suggest trying to get one.” When Dolph hopped on the counter, chewing on his sandwich and looking ll adorable, he stepped over to him and kissed his nose. Beaming when it wrinkled.

“Well, if you don't mind, maybe I'll pick one up this weekend. John and Ry can help watch them when I'm at work.” He didn't say 'when _we're_ at work', and Dolph hummed. Looping his ankle around his leg and tugging him close.

“I know. I'm leaving again. They are excited about their new branch out there. And I tried to get out of it, I did, but when you're their top agent-” Mike shook his head, smiling as he pushed strands of blonde hair out of the way.

“You don't have to explain. I understand.” He walked his fingers up the thighs holding him close. “How long before you have to leave?” 

John was still skeptical, even after everything Mike told him over beers, and it was starting to get on his nerves. Why couldn't his best friend of all people support him? Why was he acting jealous and petty about his relationship? Ryan tried to keep the peace between them, making jokes and buying more rounds, but he had enough of John's mouth. 

“Look, why don't you just say what you really think? What you keep trying to imply and dance around.” Ryan turned the glass with his fingers, keeping out of the fire. John shook his head, taking a long drink before licking his lips and meeting his eyes.

“I think he's having an affair, okay? That's what I truly believe.” Affair. _Affair?_ The word bounced around his head, echoing down long chambers until it was all he could hear. 

“Why- Why would you even think that?” He couldn't wrap his mind around that word and Dolph being in the same sentence; unless it was _'Dolph would never have an affair'._ John's defensive posture collapsed, shoulders sagging and eyes lowered.

“Because of the business trips. Look, you don't have to agree with me-”

“Damn right I don't.” John cleared his throat.

“-but I want you to listen. Okay. I'm not trying to attack you or ruin your relationship by creating drama that isn't there. But, ask yourself, Mike. Is there anything that's happened lately that just seems...off? I mean, you've known him a long time. Is there any kind of change in his behavior – good or bad – or things that just don't make sense?” Before Mike could snap at him, he shook his head again.

“You don't need to answer that. I just want you to think about it. Because I guarantee, if you really consider what I'm asking you, there are things there that aren't quite right.” Rather than get up and walk away, like he wanted to do, or throw beer in John's face, like he should do, he did what his friend asked. Thought back over months and years of their relationship. Ripping at a napkin on the table before flattening his hand on it. Because there were some... off things.

“Recently...about four months ago...” John and Ryan leaned closer. “He got this weird call. The caller ID said it was work, but the way she answered-”

“ _She?_ ” He flinched but nodded slowly. 

“We had an argument that turned into me confessing how much him leaving bothers me. And I ended up forgetting about that call and the strange woman. But thinking back, I should have said something more.” Ryan took his sunglasses off and tucked them into his shirt.

“How did he react to you answering his phone? That can be a dead giveaway that someone is hiding something.” He tried to think back to that day in the kitchen, drumming his fingers on the table.

“He seemed...apprehensive, maybe? Like I might lash out at him.” They both made faces and that dropped a rock in his stomach. Because those were not good reactions. 

“Dude, I know you don't want to hear it. I understand. If I ever thought my girlfriend was cheating...but I think you need to consider the possibility he's being unfaithful.” Ryan nodded.

“I like the guy. We get along great, but you remember how he was when you met him. And you guys are still young. Not to mention distance can put strain on any relationship.” No. He couldn't. There was no way he was going to let himself, even for one second, entertain the idea that the man he's been in love with for what felt like a lifetime and three seconds all at once – someone he's been building a relationship with for five years – was cheating on him. 

“I think I should go home.” He ignored their sympathetic expressions and pushed up from the table. That bitter taste from months ago returned, only now it was over a different kind of hurt. The acidic taste of betrayal and shame. But he wouldn't let himself get carried away. No, he would talk to Dolph when he returned. Figure out what was going on in Arizona. Maybe offer to take off work and go with him one of these times.

And he didn't like the fact that his certainty that his company would be welcome on that trip wavered. He blamed alcohol. He blamed the distance. He blamed himself for being paranoid. His friends for being jealous. But, at the end of the day, what he didn't want to admit was it made sense to him. An affair was a big deal, because fidelity and trust was extremely important to him. And if that was crossed... 

He greeted their new dog with a pat, trying to hold the pieces of his heart together because at the moment it was all speculation from his friends and one weird phone call. Nothing incriminating. So until then he was going to save his tears. Save his anger and judgment because there was no concrete reason to feel anything. Not yet. 

Later, after letting the dog out and fixing them dinner, he sat on the couch with his phone in hand and a show playing quietly on the television. Trying to decide what he wanted to do. Normally around this time, he was itching to call Dolph, to see how his trip was and if anything interesting was happening. But now he was worrying his lip, flipping the device over and over in his hand. Part of him was imagining it going down like how it did in the movies: he calls, excepting to hear the warm voice of his boyfriend, only for some woman to pick up and ask who he is and why he's calling _her_ boyfriend. And then he was chastising himself for being so silly; for letting John's words get to him. The foundation for any relationship was trust and faithfulness. Without those, there was no point in bothering.

He trusted Dolph to remain faithful, the way he would if the roles were reversed. So, after another moment of silent debate, their pup Jessie hopping on the couch and snuggling into his side with a long sigh, he unlocked his phone and dialed the familiar contact.

_”I was wondering if you were going to call.”_ Relief washed over him, and then a brief shot of guilt for even doubting. Just because someone was gone a lot didn't mean anything was going on. Plenty of relationships went through similar distant phases and came out the other end stronger than before. 

They spent an hour going over things that happened, Dolph asking a million questions about their puppy. Mentioning at least twenty times how excited he was to meet her. He spent all that time worrying for nothing. In his heart, he was certain everything was okay- and would remain that way for a long time. 

Taking home work was the last think Mike liked doing, but sometimes it needed to be done so he wasn't too far behind everyone else in the office. Tonight's stack was reasonable, for once, and he would be through it in no time at all. Maybe they would have time for a movie together before they needed to go to sleep. Work in the morning and all that. 

As he tapped his pen on the table, scanning the numbers printed on the sheets in the tiniest print he's ever seen, the phone on the table vibrated. Startling him out of his thoughts. Since it was Dolph's, though, he gave it a cursory glance and returned to his work. After all, he had a pretty good incentive for hurrying through the data averages for the past month or whatever. 

The phone vibrated again, then three more times. In quick succession. Still, he thought nothing much of it. Dolph was a social butterfly who had many friends. It wasn't rare to find him laughing over something someone sent in the dozens of group chats he was in. Except it went off four more times and now his curiosity was piqued. What was the group chat buzzing about now?

The last sent message was a picture. And judging by the message that went with it, well, it wasn't a picture a man in a relationship should be receiving. And lo and behold it was 'The Office'. And since there were thirteen other messages before that one, he had a pretty good idea this wasn't a wrong number. Not a prank from an office buddy. Nothing but cold hard evidence that John was right. 

It was like a bomb went off in his chest. Like a mallet came and smashed every bone inside him to pieces. Like he was floating far away from this kitchen, up towards the skies and out into space.

Footsteps approaching the kitchen brought him back to himself, and he squeezed the phone in his hand to keep him grounded. Because this was not going to be an easy conversation. Dolph took three steps into the room before he noticed something wasn't right, his smile slipping away. And now he looked nervous, glancing around and shifting his feet. Mike held the phone up, looking at it for a moment before meeting Dolph's eyes. Wide and looking between him and the device. And now he knew what that look meant- the same one from months before. 

Worried Mike found what was on it. Or, rather, who he was talking to on it.

Clearing his throat, he scrolled through the text notifications until he got to his favorite one. “ _Thinking about the last time we were together has me feeling some type of way. Can't wait until we're together again._ Heart emoji. Funny. I don't remember writing that to you. You know. Me, your _boyfriend._ The one you've been with for five years. I thought exclusively, but I guess I don't really know now, do I?” His chest cracked, but he held himself together and steadied a glare on Dolph, who looked like a deer frozen in headlights.

“Speechless? Yeah, me too. I mean, here I am defending you to my friends. Getting into heated arguments with John because I believed he was wrong about you. I _trusted_ you, and this is what I get. I get to look like the idiot who refused to see what was going on. I get to be hurt and wonder what I did so wrong, even though I know I did nothing at all. And _you..._ ” He broke off, shaking his head and looking at the texts. The way he wanted them to be lies. Maybe a wrong number or a friend messing around. But judging by the way Dolph was looking at him now – Like the rug was being pulled out from under him. Like he was caught taking something he shouldn't. - it wasn't a mistake. 

“Mike, please-” That made him laugh.

“Please, what? What is there for you to say?” Dolph tried to approach him, but Mike pushed the phone into his chest and walked past him. Towards the room they shared to take his things. Because there was no way he was staying there. The trust was gone. The sanctity of their relationship was ruined.

Dragging a suitcase from the closet, he ripped his shirts from their hangers. Tossing his things on the bed like he was going on a long trip. Somewhere for a long time. Dolph stood in the doorway, looking nervous. Like if he spoke Mike might throw things at him. Which, maybe he should. But he wasn't going to break down like that. Dolph didn't deserve to see the ugly side of his hurt. To see the pain and ache he was going to sit with for months after this day. The way his friends would tip-toe around him, whispering Dolph's name like it was a cursed word. 

He packed in silence, aware of eyes following him as he moved around the room. Taking his things and stuffing them away. When nothing else could fit, he closed the bag and tugged it to the door. Pushing past Dolph like he wasn't even there. And now footsteps hurried after him to the front door, Dolph reaching out and shutting the door when he tried to walk out. He whipped around, ready to fight his way out if he had to. 

“Wait. Stop. Mike, please. Don't do this.” His eyes were red, pleading with him to set his bag down and have this big long talk that would make him change his mind. That would make him give Dolph a second chance. But he was a big believer in no second chances when it came to something like this. Lying? That was one thing. Even stealing he could be convinced to forgive. But _cheating?_ There couldn't be any possible explanation that excused something like that.

“Don't, what, leave you? Go find comfort in someone else? Fuck you. How about that?” He set his bag down. “You don't seem to understand what's happened here. I found proof on your phone that you're having an affair. An affair! And you expect me to let you twist me around and convince me how it wasn't actually your fault but the _circumstances?_ How I should be more understanding of your needs.”

“I told you every single time you left how much I missed you. How I needed you. How I'm lonely while you're gone. I got a fucking _dog_ because my own boyfriend wasn't there enough. And now I find out that while I'm here waiting for you to come home, you're out there. With who knows doing who knows what. So, no. I'm not going to listen. I'm not going to give you another chance, because I did. I've given you several, and you still chose to go back to her.” Dolph shied away from his words, like he was physically striking him. And frankly? He didn't even care. He was so angry- at himself and at Dolph. 

“I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Please. Just...don't go yet.” He crossed his arms, eyes narrowed.

“Before I decide anything, answer me this: how long?” Because while one time was enough for him, he could possibly be persuaded to stay and talk if it was only once. Not that he believed it was only a one-time thing. Not with the way that girl was texting him. But, you know, why not find out exactly how long he's been a fool.

Any hope in them talking washed away, Dolph dropping his gaze. 

“Two years.” Yep. He was out. “But it wasn't like that. We didn't- It wasn't every time I went.” 

“Like that makes it better! Oh, wonderful. He didn't sleep with some stranger _every_ chance he got. Fantastic! Two years of me wondering when your job would stop sending you across the country so I could see you more while you're screwing around with someone else. Well, I hope you two are happy together. Because I'm done.” Dolph stopped the door from opening again, irritation building up in his chest. He really just wanted to drive away and go fall apart on John's couch.

“What if I don't go? What if I stop going to Arizona?” Mike searched his face, the desperation and fear evident in his eyes. “I know it's wrong, what I've been doing, but I swear it wasn't supposed to be like this. Things just...they got out of control. I screwed up, I know that, but I want to fix it.” 

“I don't care if you don't go there ever again. I don't care if you move there- in fact, maybe you should. It would cost you less. Dolph, understand this. You can't fix trust when it's been broken.” He sighed. “Let's say I decide to stay. That I give you a chance to fix this mess and prove to me you won't see her ever again. Watch you delete her and block her. What about the next time you have to go somewhere? How will I be certain the same thing doesn't happen again? _That's_ why I can't stay. I will never be one-hundred percent sure you're not with someone else.” This time he got on the porch, Dolph still trailing after him. Fighting for him to stay.

“We can build that back up again, Mike. Don't give up on our relationship. Please.” He loaded his bag in the back, closing the hatch firmly and turning a glare on him. Because he was tired of the begging now. How Dolph was making him feel guilty when it was Dolph who ruined everything.

“What relationship? The second you slept with someone else the relationship was over. You chose someone else over us. Five years of nothing but wasted time. Maybe you didn't mean for this to happen, but maybe next time you'll pick the person who loves you over cheap sex. Goodbye.” Pulling away was harder than he anticipated, tears clouding his vision and all the anger rushing out of him. He refused to look behind him, turning off the street he's lived on for the past four years and towards a future filled with bleak months of mourning and healing.

At least he had John, who greeted him at the door with a tight hug that both shattered him and pulled him together again, and Ryan, who offered him a shoulder to lean on while he told them everything. They didn't gloat. Didn't tell him how terrible Dolph was (that would come later, when he wasn't so hurt by the betrayal). 

All they did was listen and join him in watching something on the television. Ordering some pizza and breaking out the beers. Falling asleep on the couch in a pile, curled around him and showing him he had some amazing people in his life still. Tomorrow, he would go back and take Jessie. Get whatever else he left behind. And begin the journey into the next chapter of his life.


	2. Sex With My Ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dolph POV. Taking place about 2 years after the break-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my girl FLETCHER came out with this little EP titled _'s(ex) tapes'_ and let me tell you...it is some **good** stuff. 
> 
> The first part of this story was inspired by the song _"Bitter"_ and this part came along when I heard the last track of the EP: _"sex with my ex"_
> 
> Hope you enjoy! And hey...give it a listen! I've had her on repeat for weeks and I'm currently obsessed.

Dolph found that scrolling through Instagram after having a break-up was one of the worst things you could do. Seeing all the happy couples together. The pretty places people visited that were so happy and bright when all he felt was storm clouds and rain. His explore tab was probably going to be suggesting him quotes about break-ups and exes for the next year or so.

What made it worse was, late in the evening when he was weak and so alone, he would go over on his ex's page, trying to find pictures of them together and watching them slowly disappear. The one of him holding the puppy his mom adopted. The various ones of them together at different sporting events. Selfies they took together. Holiday pictures that made him smile. So happy. Unaware of what was coming for them. All of the captured memories gone now because he did something stupid. 

When Mike pushed the phone into his chest, it was like he lodged a stone there. And when he pulled down the street and away from him, that stone dropped into his stomach. Heavy and cold. Watching the person he loved, nearly in tears, drive away with no promise of returning – with no certainty that there would ever be a word between them again – broke him down. Had him wandering around the house for days. Dancing with ghosts. Falling asleep to tears drying on his cheeks and one of the sweaters Mike left behind in his rush clutched in his hands. 

Everything that was their relationship was taken away. Mike did an excellent job of combing through the house and taking anything that belonged to him. The dog, which to be fair was mostly Mike's dog. But damn it he liked her too. The rest of his clothes- save for the sweater, which was a small blessing he knew he didn't deserve and therefore cherished. Dishes given to them by Mike's mom. Various decorations. One night he came home to find the chair Mike adored – one he spent many evenings curled up in, mourning what they had and missing the man who once occupied that recliner – missing from the living room. 

That in particular broke his heart into pieces. Made everything more...real.

There was no one to blame but himself for ruining the one amazing thing he had in his life, he knew and accepted it now. But at the time it happened – and for the months that followed – he couldn't help but feel angry. Mike didn't even give him a chance to prove himself. To explain and try to fix what he knew he broke with his carelessness. Choosing to shut down and walk away from five years they had together. He made a mistake! Granted, it was a rather big one. One that he regretted more than anything. 

Why couldn't Mike see that?

Eventually, he couldn't stand being in that house anymore. The loneliness. The constant reminders. The memories of Mike and of them that clung to every inch of the wall; shoved into every crack. Every corner. His brother moved out to Arizona looking for better work, so he decided to put the house up, pack all his things, and join Ryan in beautiful Phoenix. He couldn't possibly commute to Ohio every day for work, so he quit that job and found something new to do in Arizona. 

Ryan worried over him at first, unsure if quitting a job he's been working at for over five years and moving across the country was a good idea, but soon he accepted this was reality and tried to take his mind off things. Showing him various projects and introducing him to friends he made in the city. They didn't talk about why his pretty serious relationship he's had since college fell apart. About the lighter blond coloring to his hair or the gray sweater that was a size too big tucked away under his blankets in the spare room. They hiked. They watched movies and drank. Did fun things together and made the best of what was going on.

But, just as he was tonight, he often found himself alone in the kitchen after his brother fell asleep. Looking at his phone. Wearing that sweater and picking at a bowl of grapes Ryan had to replace constantly- never saying a word about it to him. Sometimes he wished Ryan would say something about it, though. It felt good to not think about it, instead enjoying time with his brother exploring what Phoenix had to offer, but the weight of his break-up followed him like a dark cloud. Like a backpack full of rocks he couldn't remove.

Talking about it would probably make him feel like shit, but then he could cry and try to move forward. Instead, he felt stuck. Spinning his wheels and pretending things were okay in the daylight. Stalking Mike on Instagram and blowing through a bowl of grapes late into the evening. 

He wondered what Mike was doing; how he was. If his friends were encouraging him to block and delete and remove Dolph from his life. So far, though the pictures disappeared, he still had access to the account. His texts went unanswered and unread, though that was probably for the best. 

They were embarrassing drunken wishes he made in the dark of his room. 

Did Mike still defend him to John and his Ryan, or were they all out celebrating finally removing him like a tumor that was slowly killing the person? Did he too sit up late at night, scrolling through Instagram and wishing he could turn back time? Dolph sipped at the bottle of Mountain Dew Ryan kept stocked in the fridge – and now that he thought about it, the alcoholic drinks were slowly becoming harder to come by than the sugary sodas – and sighed as he noticed yet another picture was gone. This one from their college days when they attended some party together. They were drunk off their asses in the picture, Dolph's hair trimmed short but dyed blonde and Mike making a face at the camera. Looking utterly ridiculous together in his green polo shirt and Mike's open button-up shirt over some graphic t-shirt from a grunge band he loved back then...

Oh, how he missed that time. The early days of falling in love and growing close. 

Towards the top were pictures of Mike and his friends. Living life. Golfing, a hobby of Mike's he never understood. Posing together in front of some building while someone took the shot for them. Pizzas spread out over the coffee table with cans of beer and a stack of movies with a caption about movie marathon weekends and being with his friends. Though there weren't any posts about him – not even about how dating sucked and how he was brokenhearted... or was stoked to be single again – but a couple people mentioned he was posting sad songs in his story. Asking him what was going on because neither of them acknowledged it publicly. 

Dolph posted about moving. Mike stopped sharing moments of them together. That was about it. 

Even though he knew it was a good idea to get away and try to heal, he couldn't help but want to go back to Ohio. To track Mike down and get on his knees. Beg for another chance. Beg for him to end this suffering because it was killing him. Even over a year later he was still finding it hard to truly let go. Friends he made in his new town took him out for drinks, introduced him to interesting people, and then vanished into thin air. But he wasn't into finding someone new. Didn't care to hookup or date anyone.

In terms of moving on...he wasn't doing well. But he tried not to show it- especially around Ryan. He danced with the girls or guys not-so-subtly pushed in his direction. He bought people drinks and tried to have a good time. But his thoughts always found their way back to Mike. To where he was a year before: snuggled on the couch with the man he loved wrapped around him. Watching some crime show on the television and whispering silly things to each other. Giggling like children and kissing sweetly. 

Nothing in Arizona was going to be good enough to replace that. To make him forget the nights spent dancing and singing in the kitchen while he made dinner. The many times the food either burned or went cold because the man was irresistible to him and they ended up having sex right there. Once accidentally knocking a glass dish onto the floor and scaring the shit out of both of them. Or all the laughs they had while watching Jeopardy together, Mike getting increasingly frustrated as he answered the questions confidently only to be wrong each and every time.

The days they spent walking hand-in-hand through the parks and neighborhoods, leaves on the ground or flowers in the trees. Tossing snowballs at each other or sharing ice cream cones. Mike squealing when a bee landed on him or Dolph sipping on the Pumpkin Spice Latte his boyfriend adored and trying not to gag. There was just too much to erase in a year and, truthfully, Dolph didn't want to lose them. Didn't want to forget the way eyes would sparkle in the sunshine and how his body felt underneath his. 

He wanted the man back in his arms. Pressed against him and sleeping peacefully. Wanted his world to go back to the way it was. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” His bags were packed and sitting on the pavement. Ready to be loaded into the cab that would take him to the airport. Ryan looked nervous, fingers playing with the lid of his coffee cup. It was early in the morning, the sun barely beginning to ascend from slumber, and though he tried to encourage Ryan to sleep in some more, his brother insisted on seeing him off. A gesture he was touched by until now. Because he could see his brother wasn't really waiting to say goodbye; he was hoping to stop him. Make him reconsider.

“It's been almost two years, Ry. I think I'll be okay. I just want to go back home. Visit mom and dad. See _snow_ again.” He explained a dozen times since he told his brother he was headed to Ohio for a few weeks that this had nothing to do with Mike- that he was simply going for a family visit since Ryan wasn't going to be able to this year. But neither of them believed that for a second.

He appreciated the fact that Ryan didn't call him out on it. Simply regarding him with knowing eyes and accepting his lies easily. There was no stopping him and Ryan knew that.

“Okay. Call me when you land. And be safe up there.” He adjusted the jar of pens sat on the island, Dolph clearing his throat and agreeing easily. Then he was in the cab, watching the buildings and trees blur by with excitement fizzling in his blood. Because this was it. For good or for bad, he was headed back to Ohio. Back to where he fell in love and had his heart broken. Where he grew up and where he always felt a strong connection to. 

He was headed home.

It was nice seeing his parents again, there to greet him as he got off the plane. With a quick text to Ryan – a selfie of everyone attached so he could see mom and dad too – they headed to the home that hasn't changed since he was a kid. Talking about holiday plans and family flying in to visit. Dolph staring out the window and wondering what Mike was doing. Where he was and if he was with anyone. 

“Careful! We're still house-training that one.” He managed to sidestep a training pad that was a suspicious yellow color, kneeling down as a herd of pups ran at him. His family loved rescuing dogs, fostering them until someone could adopt them. There wasn't a memory he had of being home where dogs weren't around. His mom pointed to each one, introducing them to him as she moved to the kitchen. Shaking something that had the dogs scurrying after her, Dolph laughing.

Unlike Ryan, his parents never avoided awkward conversations. So once his things were settled in his old bedroom and he was sat in the living room, his mom brought him a mug of hot chocolate and a look that promised he was not going to enjoy this.

“Baby, what happened? One minute you're living just an hour away with that boyfriend of yours and the next Ryan is telling us you're moving into his new place in _Arizona?_ ” His dad had a fluffy white dog they called Peanut in his lap, watching him but remaining quiet. Biting his lip, he dropped his gaze and sighed.

“We broke up. And I couldn't stay here anymore. I figured a change of scenery would do me some good, you know?” She nodded. Studying him in that way moms do. Reading him like an open book.

“You boys seemed to be really strong. So in love. What was it that broke you two up?” It was hard enough watching Mike find out he was unfaithful. Telling his parents that the reason they split was because he was sleeping with some girl in Arizona was...it wasn't going to be fun. Because he screwed up so badly, and for what? She was no one he cared about now- just something to do while waiting around for his bosses to get around to doing their jobs. Something that spiraled out of control and destroyed everything he had worked so hard for.

“I messed up. On one of my business trips to Arizona, I met this woman at a bar. It was only talking and sharing how much we hated working corporate. I bought her a drink to be a gentleman and then she got all flirty with me. And..” The room was silent for a moment.

“Dolph...” Her tone made him feel like back when he was a kid and she caught him doing something to his brothers. Or when he brought home a bad grade and tried to hide it. That, coupled with the memory of the icy way Mike looked at him that day, made his heart hurt. The two people he cared about most and he disappointed them both.

“I didn't even tell him to his face after it happened. I wanted to just forget about it and be with him but... I went back towards the end of the year and ran into her again. It went on for like two years before he found out.” There was no way to face them after admitting he not only cheated but then continued to have an affair until he was found out. The nerve he had to actually be angry at Mike when everything happened.

“I deserve what I got and I hate that I hurt him like that. I just can't believe I was so stupid. Letting myself get caught up in that when I had an amazing guy waiting for me to come home. Having to look in his eyes and lie to him all the time. See the disappointment when I made up some reason to go to Arizona. Over and over. And I didn't even like her!” He got up, tugging at his hair. This is what he needed. To get it all out in the open. To stop holding onto a secret he no longer wanted to keep.

“She was rude. Pushy and demanding. I told her all the time that I didn't want a relationship – that I had to stop because I had someone in my life – but she just kept whining and asking when I was going to move to Arizona so she didn't have to wait so long for me to be there. Threatening to ruin my relationship by showing up or calling the house. I was so afraid he would find out; that she would find a way to contact him. But years went by and he never did.” With a sigh, he raised his head and found his parents waiting. His mom clutching her mug tightly.

“Are you with her now? Since you live there?” The minute Mike was gone, he deleted her contact. Ignored and then blocked her calls. Thankfully, Ryan didn't live in the same city she did, so he was able to basically cut her out completely. Especially once he quit his job. 

“No. I never wanted anything with her. But- I don't know. I just couldn't seem to stop seeing her. But when Mike ended things... I haven't spoken to her since the last time I saw her.” His mom patted the seat next to her, so he sat. 

“Have you spoken with him?” Playing with the rope a brown and black pup with coarse fur pushed into his hands, he shook his head.

“I tried. I wanted to give him time to cool off and then try talking to him again, but he must have blocked my number. John and Ryan were no help at all. They both told me to...well, I can't repeat what they said but it wasn't promising.” His mom reached out and pat his hand.

“He made it clear when we broke up that he wouldn't be giving me another chance, but people say that all the time. I guess I hoped he would want me to come back but...” Despite the fact he flew out to try his luck at running into Mike or one of his friends – show he's back in town and maybe figure something out – he knew the actual chances of the man doing more than cussing him out or walking past like he didn't even know him were slim. Because he was stupid and hurt the man he loved.

“Ryan thinks you're here to try and find him.” See? They both knew he was full of shit.

“Yeah. He didn't say that to me, but before I left he tried to stop me from leaving. Asking if I'm sure and all that.” He tossed the rope for...he was pretty sure his name was Lance. 

“Are you? Going to see if you can find him?” There was no judgment as they watched each other and he knew he couldn't lie to her. To either of them.

“I messed up so badly and I can't stop thinking about him. About what we had together. I still love him. Miss him. I just...I just have to see. Does he still mean what he said? Has he moved on? I can't just keep sitting around my brother's house feeling sad all the time.” He knew that wasn't what they wanted to hear, but his mom only nodded. 

“If you manage to see him again, honey, don't do something you might regret.” Peanut and Lance pulled on the rope, growling at each other and shaking their heads around. His dad stood from his chair, looking from the dogs to Dolph.

“Before you go, be sure to let the dogs out to use the bathroom.”

It took a few days, but he did eventually run into someone who could help him out. That is, if they didn't punch his face in first. John was talking on the phone outside the grocery store, eyes flicking to him, away, and then back again. Swallowing thickly, he changed course (he was supposed to be picking up some tomatoes and ice cream) and approached John slowly. Waiting to see what his reaction would be.

“Ziggler. Never thought I'd see your face again.” Not at all friendly, but it was something.

“Hey, John. I'm, um. I'm in town visiting my parents. For the holidays.” John nodded, kicking at some snow piled up along the side of the parking lot.

“That's nice. Heard you're out in Arizona now.” His gaze sharpened. “Moved in with her, are we?”

“I'm living with my brother, actually. And about that. John-” He stopped when John shook his head.

“Save it. I don't care what the hell you have to say. You're lucky I don't kick your ass right here.” He always had the feeling Mike's friends didn't trust him – that they thought he was the same immature kid he was in college – and he could see in John's face that they definitely didn't now. 

“How is he?” John made a rude noise, shaking his head and offering a dry laugh.

“Nice of you to care. You know, four years too late.” He flinched but didn't argue. They had a right to hate him. To want him to fall off the Earth.

“I know I messed up, John, but I care about him. I just want to know if he's okay.” Cold brown eyes considered him for a moment.

“Messed up? Dude, you more than 'messed up'. And it's pretty laughable for you to say you care, not gonna lie.” He toed at the cement, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere near Mike by talking to John.

“Did you ever like me, John?” The question seemed to surprise him.

“Like you? Yeah. Trust you with my best friend? Not much. I didn't think it was a good idea from the start, but he was crazy about you. Wouldn't listen to me at all.” Oh. He startled when John swore, pushing off the wall and nearly running for the approaching car. And it was only a moment before he found out why.

“Dolph? When did you get in town?” Ryan Cabrera was Mike's other best friend. His Ryan, just like how Dolph had his brother. And currently he was watching him with raised brows.

“I've been here for a few days now. Visiting my parents.” John he might not get a word out of, but Cabrera? He would at least tell him how Mike was doing.

“Let's go, Ryan.” Dolph was nearly shoved out of the way, John climbing into the passenger seat, but Cabrera simply watched him. His expression was hard to read, but it wasn't openly hostile like John's. Good enough.

“Wait. Please. Tell me how he is.” John rolled up the window, clearly urging Cabrera to drive, but he hurried over to the driver's side and leaned in the window. 

“ _Please._ ” Hesitance. Cabrera tapping his hands on the wheel. John groaned, taking out his phone while shaking his head.

“Mike's okay. Actually, he got back from Hawaii not long ago and has been complaining about how cold it is here for like two weeks now.” His body instantly relaxed. Hearing about the man – having some small connection with him still – made him feel that much better. Warming him and having him close to tears. Because he missed him so much. 

“That's good.” John leaned across the car and rolled up the window, the car pulling away with the two of them arguing. And as he anticipated, hearing about Mike wasn't enough. He needed to see him. Hear him. Find him and try to make things right.

A week into his stay and he figured out where Mike was. He only visited Mike's mom once – the first Thanksgiving they were officially dating – because she lived so far away, but he recognized the furniture. Something Mike jokingly complained about any time he was on the phone with her. So, like him, Mike was visiting his family for the holiday.

He couldn't tell from his recent posts if there was someone else in the picture, but it didn't matter to him if there was some other dude taking his place at Mike's side. Because, heart pounding as he stared at the handsome man cuddling a puppy on his mom's couch, he was finally going to see him. Speak to him, even if it was to have the door slammed in his face.

The crazy thing was that, though he and Mike lived far from their parents, their parents actually lived rather close. Just a short drive or a long walk away. And he knew it was a bad idea to go over there, uninvited, and intrude on their holiday, but he was desperate now. So, he got in a car and drove over to the neighborhood. Idling on the street and then deciding to cut the engine. No sense wasting gas when he wasn't sure what reaction he would get.

It was a bit unfortunate that the person who answered the door was Mike's mom, her bright welcoming gaze dimming as she took him in. Glancing back towards where he figured Mike was before meeting his eyes.

“I don't think you should be here.” Before she could shut him out, footsteps neared them. Mike's voice carrying and filling him with a rush of peace and making him feel like he was glowing.

“If it's the kids again, tell them I have to-” He wasn't sure what to expect when he faced Mike again. What the man would do or say. 

The door shut on him, leaving him standing there like an idiot. Blinking at the silver numbers against the black door. Then he shook out of his shocked state and knocked again, Mike yanking it open and pushing him back. Stepping out with him and shutting the door behind him.

“What the hell is your problem? What are you doing at my mom's house?” It was like he was in a trance. He could hear everything Mike was saying. Could see his mouth moving and the glare he was being given. But all he could focus on was that voice. The way he looked so good in the snug sweater. Hair longer than when they were together and so soft. Fluffy. How his eyes were silver like the cloudy sky above.

He blinked as fingers jabbed him in the chest, Mike's anger palpable. Shit. He messed up again.

“I- I'm staying at my parents' place.” Confusion mixed in with the fury.

“And, what? You decided to pay my mom a visit? Say, _'Merry Christmas from the guy who cheated on your son!'?_ ” He flinched.

“No.” Mike watched him for a moment. Throwing his hands up when he said nothing else.

“No? That's it? You come over here and interrupt our holiday for no reason? After two years of nothing?” If he wasn't so off-balance from seeing him again, he could probably explain better. But he was still trying to soak the man in. Memorize everything about him all over again.

“Go home, Dolph.” He stopped him from walking away, a familiar frustration burning in his eyes as Mike crossed his arms. Brow raised.

“I came to see you. I had to-” Mike shook his head, looking out over the yard.

“You shouldn't have come. To see me or whatever. I told you I have nothing to say. There's nothing for you here.” His heart cracked open all over again. Aching to touch the man. 

“I can't stop thinking about you. Please...” Now cold eyes were on him. Making a Cleveland winter seem like a balmy island paradise in comparison.

“And I'm just supposed to forget about the nights I spent missing you? The weeks I thought of nothing more than you coming home and finally being with me again? Dreading the day I would come in the door and see you packed up for another 'trip'? Because you miss me _now?_ ” Dolph glanced away, knowing he had no right to be there. To ask for Mike to give him a chance.

“I've spent far too long wishing. Hoping. Missing. I don't have anything to say to you, Dolph. Nothing you can do or say will undo two years of betrayal. Go away.” As he turned away, he caught sight of the watch around Mike's wrist. A nice silver watch that wasn't the one he was used to seeing there. 

“Where's the leather watch?” Mike stopped in his tracks, disbelief obvious in his eyes.

“The one _you_ gave me? You really think I would still wear that after what happened? A gift given out of guilt for fucking around behind my back...” No. He had that wrong. The watch and the affair...they weren't related. Coincidentally around the same time, but it wasn't like that.

“Where is it, Mike?” Thoughtful eyes watched him.

“What, you want it back? Piece of shit is broken.” That hurt to hear. He remembered how hard he worked to buy the watch for him. It wasn't the nicest watch of Mike's collection, but he always wore it because it was a gift from Dolph for their third anniversary. To see him without it now – to hear Mike refer to it like it was trash – burned him. But it was his own damn fault.

“Do you still have it?” There was a moment where he wondered if Mike would answer. But he eventually nodded.

“Stay here. I'll get it.” He spent the few minutes alone letting his emotions escape. Blinking back tears and running hands through his hair over and over. 

“Here. It stopped working maybe a year ago. Feel free to give it to whoever.” The watch was set in his hands, shivers up his arm at the brief contact between them. He stared down at the watch for a moment, tilting it left and right to watch the reflection of light go over the gold face. It was worn from Mike wearing it all the time – taking it off when he showered or went to sleep – but otherwise just fine. A new battery and it would be good as new.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, raising his head and finding Mike watching him. Hands in his pockets. Gaze steady and searching. Clearing his throat, he pocketed the watch and took a step back. Already planning on getting it fixed and giving it to him. Because it was bought for him and him only. 

Mike went back inside, Dolph kindly not mentioning the fact he still had a broken watch from an ex-boyfriend and instead getting in the car and driving out to the city. Taking the watch into a shop and paying to have it fixed. Shined up but leaving the straps alone. The scratches along the metal face. Paying extra for an engraving to be made before leaving the shop to head back to his parents'.

His days left in town were running out, so he made his way over to Mike's. This time being greeted by Mike first. Arms crossing over his chest, making his arms flex, and squaring his stance. Defensive. And with those broad shoulders and the way his jaw was set, the cold gleam to his normally sunny eyes, he was damn intimidating.

And really hot. 

“You're lucky mom's out right now. She hates visitors after dinner.” He shifted his feet. Knowing he should feel bad for coming so late but more intrigued than anything to hear he was possibly alone. On a holiday, which was a bit sad, sure. But looking like _that._

There was no ulterior motive for coming. He was actually trying to be good – just give him the watch and apologize for everything – but there was something especially _tempting_ about the situation. 

“Isn't it late to be out shopping?” Mike shook his head, glancing behind him. Giving Dolph a moment to take in his profile. Marvel at how handsome he was with the dusting of facial hair along his jaw. Across his upper lip. The furrowing of his brows and the soft flicker of yellow light across his features. The way he pursed his lips in thought.

“She's staying with a friend. If you want to know the truth, I think she's been seeing someone but isn't ready for me to meet him yet. And since I've been living here I guess she can't bring him over. I don't know.” He adjusted the gift in his hand, picking over his next words carefully.

“Well, that's good for her, right?” Mike shrugged, though whether that was from his reluctance to converse with him or with his uncertainty of his mom dating again he wasn't sure. 

“And what about you? Have you been seeing someone?” That got him a snort. Amused.

“No. I'm fine on my own at the moment.” A few grains of sand fluttered to the bottom of the hourglass, Dolph finally clearing his throat.

“Can I come in? I want to give you something. You know...holiday and all.” Mike's expression became guarded. Suspicious. 

“I don't know, man. That doesn't seem like a good idea.” They knew each other well and he could see that, unlike the day they broke up or even the day he came over and got the watch from him, Mike was wavering. And he realized belatedly that he had a glass in hand. Enjoying the spirit of the holiday season. So to speak.

“Please. It's cold.” Soon enough he was out of the cold, coat hung by the door and boots kicked off on the mat to keep from tracking snow everywhere. Standing at the table, Mike pouring two glasses and handing him one. Raising his own with flickering blue eyes. Flames dancing in that steady gaze.

“Merry Christmas.” Dolph offered a small smile. 

“Happy New Year.” They downed the drinks, Mike taking a seat and drumming his fingers on the table.

“So...” The box caught his attention as Dolph set it on the table. 

“You didn't have to get me something.” He nodded. Tapping the box and pushing it closer.

“I didn't get you anything.” Another nod. Another nudge. Another glass poured for him to sip on while Mike worked open the box. Slowly pulling out the watch and running his thumb over it. Bringing it to his ear and then giving him a long look.

“You said it was broken, so I got it fixed.” A sip of his drink while Mike toyed with the straps. Eyes still on him, though.

“Look, I know I hurt you. I did something shitty and I don't deserve anything from you...but I know how much you love this watch. It was a gift for you- you _only._ So please take it. Wear it.” He sat down across from Mike, reaching for his right arm and taking off the expensive watch he was currently wearing and carefully fastening the leather one around his wrist. Licking his dry lips at the proximity between them. The intimate gesture of putting the watch on for him.

He drew back slightly, dragging his fingertips over the delicate skin of the underside of Mike's forearm. The pulse just under his touch. 

“Dolph, I can't.” Picking up his drink once more, he leaned back in the chair. Taking in the man he got to call his once upon a time.

“Please? I gave it to you as a gift and I would really love if you kept it. Maybe you don't wear it all the time – I'm sure you have far better watches to wear – but at least hold on to it. For me?” Mike stayed silent, tracing the watch with a finger.

“I have no use for it, anyway. You are the watch guy.” Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe he was slowly melting that icy wall between them. Regardless of the reason, Mike finally relented. Reaching for the glass Dolph was drinking out of and finishing it. Moving to pour more but drinking it rather than handing it back. He tilted his head to the side, examining the man for a second.

“Any particular reason you're drinking alone on a holiday?” A laugh, Mike setting the glass on the table and skimming those eyes over him. 

“My ex-boyfriend's back in town.” Right. He felt a little silly asking that with the way Mike answered- like it was so obvious. Because of course him showing up out of the blue was probably the perfect way to ruin his holiday. The glass turned on the table. Round and round as Mike's fingers danced along the rim.

“I asked my mom if I could be alone because I didn't want to depress her when I'm getting drunk on Christmas.” As he was speaking, a foot brushed along Dolph's leg. Surprising him a little. There was this look in those eyes, watching him over the glass he sipped from. A look he knew well but hadn't seen directed at him in a long time. 

From the way the atmosphere shifted around them, it was just a matter of time before they tore into each other- whether that was sexually or verbally was yet to be seen.

“Well, I can leave you to it then.” He made no move to leave, though. Waiting to see what Mike wanted. Because, if he was thinking what it looked like he was thinking, you wouldn't catch him leaving the house under any circumstances- save for Mike pushing him away.

“You told me you haven't been able to stop thinking of me.” It wasn't a question. Laid out there like this was the answer to the silent questions they were asking. 

“I did. And it's true.” Mike nodded. Reaching out to brush fingers across the top of his hand. 

“For a while I hoped that, when you were with her, you'd think about me. Like...since she took you from me, I wanted her to get that back.” What? Her who? He blinked out of the haze he was falling into – some due to the drinks but mostly because of this man – and frowned.

“I don't understand.” Mike laughed, clearly a bit past tipsy.

“Yeah. Like, you guy would be...whatever....and I'd pop up in your mind. Things we'd do. Since she did that to us.” Dolph shook his head. If Mike really thought she was anywhere near his thoughts when they were together. That he was _dating_ her. 

“First of all, I'm not with her. Or anyone. I live with Ryan. Second, whenever I was with you, I only thought of you. And, well, not that it matters much but I also only thought of you when I was with her. But I was stupid and didn't do the smart thing and _stay_ with you.” Mike furrowed his brows. Seemingly confused.

“I think of you always. Not just in the sexual way I want you, but everything. The good times. The bad. My greatest regret is being dumb enough to lose someone like you.” They were a breath away, Mike suddenly so close and absorbing the last of his words into his mouth as they kissed. Fingers curling into his hair while he tilted his head. Deepening the desperate kiss and welcoming the man into his space. His body coming alive after so long. 

He was on his feet, backing Mike against a wall and gasping as nails dug into his hips. They continued to kiss, Dolph touching as he pleased. Running hands up his stomach. Chest. Along shoulders. Itching to get under his sweater and put his lips and tongue to the firm muscle he could feel. Breathe him in and commit this all to memory.

They made it down the hall, Mike breaking the kiss to open the door to a dark room and leaving him to touch some more. Tugging at thick brown hair. Dragging his nails down Mike's chest and closing his eyes as he was pulled into a rough kiss. A hand at the back of his head, the other on his waist. Slipping down to grab his ass. Making him nearly swallow his tongue when he brought them firmly together. Trailing his lips down his jaw and along his throat.

The bed was much smaller than their king-sized, but it was hardly a concern with the way he was lost in everything about this man. Sliding hands up Mike's back and arching his neck at how good this felt. Eyes closing as his shirt was pushed up and hands spread out along his skin. Holding him down as he nipped and kissed every inch exposed to him. Tugging Dolph's shirt over his head and rolling his hips in that incredible way he did. Teasing the fire inside him with his touch. 

The lamp flicked on and he could see that the sweater – and whatever was on underneath that – was gone. Glorious bare skin exposed. Begging for his touch. For him to taste and worship.

“How could I possibly think of anyone else when I get this?” He dragged his nails over thick pectorals, arousal shooting through him at the way Mike choked and gasped at the feeling.

“Nobody gets me hot the way you do. How you look. Feel. Sound.” He sat up to kiss along Mike's jaw, but he was pushed down onto the bed roughly. 

“Shut up.” He was good at taking hints, cramming the things he was dying to say in a chest and accepting the hungry kiss pressed into his mouth. Fighting against the hand holding him down because he was close to exploding. Falling apart already from the kissing. Seeing and feeling his body. Drowning in the man all over again.

It felt good – right – to have the man in his arms again. Not just in his dreams or memories while cuddling a pillow close to him. No, he was really there. Skin against his. How amazing it was to be able to just tilt his chin a little and press a light kiss to the top of his spine. Breathe him in and soak in that delicious heat. Wrapping his arms around him and bodies tangled together under the thick blanket. His hand over Mike's and threading them together like he always loved doing. 

Just feeling him again. Holding him. Being where he belonged. Where he always wanted to be.

The watch caught his eye, still wrapped around Mike's wrist. Glinting in the glow of the moon through the curtains. He ran his fingers over the straps, feeling Mike inhale against him. Still awake then. The wrist twisted so Mike's hand was palm up, so he walked his fingers up until he could place his hand in his. Hold hands properly.

“Thanks. For getting it fixed for me. For giving it back to me.” He snuggled closer, closing his eyes against the soft words Mike spoke. Swallowing down the love he still felt for him like bile and clearing the dark clouds gathering. For the time being he wanted to pretend this was like before. That he was just basking in the love and afterglow. Cuddling with his boyfriend and making sleepy conversation.

“I did more than fix it.” He pushed up onto his forearm, gently turning Mike's arm so he could undo the clasp that held the watch in place. Then he turned it over so they could see the bottom. Mike using his hand to tilt Dolph's so he could get a better look.

“You had it engraved.” Kissing his shoulder, he hummed. Smiling.

“Yeah. I hope that's okay.” Mike rolled over and sat up, taking the watch and staring at it. Moonlight washing over his features and making him look beyond 'beautiful'. Beyond _'handsome._ There weren't words that could capture the way Dolph felt while watching him – hair tugged and teased by his hands, painted ivory and silver by the moon above – brush his thumb over the engraving. Silvery eyes glancing up to meet his gaze. 

What did the man see when he looked at him now? Was it written clearly into every pore that he was desperately in love with him still? 

“ _Lost Time Is Never Found Again_. Not your typical inscription for a gift.” Dolph laughed softly, taking the watch in hand and tracing the words with his nail.

“Well, this isn't exactly the typical situation for gift giving. I didn't want to put something romantic because we aren't together anymore. And I figured you wouldn't want to keep it if I did that.” Mike nodded, their eyes meeting in the dimly-lit room. He saw the way wishes and regrets mingled in his gaze. Passing like clouds in the blue sky. Then he offered his wrist and Dolph carefully replaced the watch. 

“It just reminds me of the time that I spent loving you. The time I spent thinking of our future. Years I wasted just to end up here. Alone.” He moved in closer, playing with Mike's hair and meeting his eyes. 

“All that lost time...and I'm just wasting more of it. Sitting here with you. Because this here? This doesn't mean a damn thing.” They kissed for a moment, Mike breaking it and pressing his forehead against his. Trembling fingers against his cheek. His heart crumbling into pieces. 

“You're _leaving_ and I'm going to lose you all over again. I'm back where I was before: so immensely in love with you and having to sit here with my crushed heart hating myself. Hating you. _Missing_ you...” There were tears in his eyes, his voice soft and broken. And there was no way to reassure him. To undo everything he did in the past and promise him the future they wanted. Some things couldn't be fixed with words and gestures- however much they meant everything they said. 

However much they wanted to go back and try again.

“I'm so sorry. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it all back and be the man you fell in love with. To stay here with you and make it all better.” Mike nodded, falling against him and staying in his embrace. Continuing to cry silently while Dolph rubbed his arm and rested his cheek on the top of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** Stream _s(ex) tapes_ *** 
> 
> (And while you're at it, give her other stuff a listen!)

**Author's Note:**

>  **Mood Songs:**  
>  \- _“Bitter (with Kito)”_ by FLETCHER  
> \- _“Liar”_ by Britney Spears  
> \- _“High Heels”_ by JoJo  
> \- _“Big Deal”_ by LeAnn Rimes  
> \- _“I Know What You Did Last Summer”_ by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello  
> \- _“It Will Rain”_ by Bruno Mars  
> \- _“So Sick”_ by Ne-Yo  
> \- _“Tonight I Wanna Cry”_ by Keith Urban  
> \- _“Take A Bow”_ by Rihanna  
> \- _“Before He Cheats”_ by Carrie Underwood  
> \- _“Should've Said No”_ & _“Picture to Burn”_ by Taylor Swift  
> \- _“Cry Me A River”_ by Justin Timberlake  
> \- _Wish I Didn't Know Now"_ by Toby Keith


End file.
